Wednesday, July 13, 2011

It's a Low Carb Thing...

I tried.  I really did.  I tried to switch over to a low carb lifestyle.  I made it one week.  One week.  That is all I could handle.  We will not go into the reason why I thought I could go low carb.  It really sounded like a good idea at the time.

The first few days were actually pretty easy.  I guess I was excited and I wanted to see if I could really do it.  I was a good girl, counted my carbs, ate my cheese and almonds.  I even had a little wine the first few days.  My goal was to keep my daily carb intake below 100.  I had even figured out that if I was really below on a few days, I could use the extra as a cheat for dessert over the weekend.  Huh, sounds like it is going to be rough.  I mean, not even a week in and I find a way to cheat the system.

I knew I was in trouble on Independence Day when I pretty much ate nothing all day just so I could have a red velvet cupcake.  It was worth every single bite by the way.  Still, I pressed on.  I went to work and I could have killed someone.  I mean I was snapping at people left and right.  My boss thought I was insane, but wanted to seem supportive.  At home, Ken was dodging me.  Yeah, he did not want to be around his low carb wife. 

I knew it was going to be tough when I found myself going to the grocery store to buy more cheese and almonds and I was just hanging out in the ice cream section.  Yeah, I was walking by the ice cream and saying hello old friends, I miss you all.  I was checking all of the carbs in the ice cream bars and realized that the Klondike Bars could indeed be something that I could sneak in as a snack.  Of course, this meant skipping a meal, but who really cares when you can eat a Klondike Bar.  I blame this on Ken because he was the one wanting the Klondike Bars. 

Despite hanging out at the grocery store in the ice cream aisle, I thought I was on the home stretch and then my boss brought in bagels on Thursday.  Really Randy?  I mean, you know I am a bagel lover and you bring in bagels.  I kept my composer and did not strangle him on the spot like I wanted to.  I even managed to keep the cursing to a minimum when he said "bagels are low carb right?" - really Randy?  Do you want me to close line you when you walk out of the bathroom?  A few threats later and he decided it was best not to speak to me for the rest of the day. 

Thursday was not only bagel day, but it is also a running day.  I got home from work and Ken called me.  Apparently my tone was less than stellar.  He told me to forget the low carb thing and just to go to dinner with him.  I told him that would be quitting.  We had an exchange of words and I proceeded to pout.  I am sure that is shocking.  He came home and I was sitting in my chair pouting.  He told me how silly he thought this diet was and that I should quit.  I decided to just go running.  I was pissed.  Guess what I found myself singing over my Ipod?  What would you dooooo for a Klondike Bar?  I tried to tune it out.  I called myself all sorts of names and told myself to man up.  I tried to sing with Britney when she came on, but I could not resist singing What would you dooooo for a Klondike Bar?  At this point I would have killed someone for a Klondike Bar.

So what do I do?  Finish my three mile run, walk into the house dripping in sweat, not speaking to Ken and grab a Klondike Bar and go to town. 

I enhaled that Klondike Bar in under a minute.  Best thing ever.  And with that, I quit the low carb lifestyle.


lindsay said...

Hahaha. Best low carb dieter ever :)

It's ok, you need the carbs for running!!!

The CilleyGirl said...

Ha! The cravings are the worst around days 7 through 10. Then they go away. It was a toss up though whether the results were worth so many days of near homicidal behavior.

The CilleyGirl said...

Oh, and you might look into paleo -- not low carb because you eat fruits and veggies but none of the bloat- and weight gain-inducing foods like grains. And they encourage cheating!